March marks the start of 4th year college student (in Japan, i don't know if this apply the same as well to other countries) to secure a job so that they can focus on their research or experiments or writing thesis once they scored one or more job.
Alhamdulillah I have been through that phase, and I am so like demotivated? or cannot accept rejection kind of person? so i just stopped my search once i receive invitation to join this one company. lazy or whatever negative word you want to call me i don't care because i just want the experience and i don't care what will i do. i just wanna move on with life right after i finished college. and maybe fulfill my bucket lists (if i have one) along the way (aha! no 1. Travel the world!)
So like, job searching is so exhausting and full of plasticity so i want to end it quickly. But doing it ALONE definitely not fun at all. AT ALL. maybe that is why i was so demotivated. You have to move here and there, attend seminars and talks and not to mention my interview venue is like so far it took 10 hours by bus and 4 hours by bullet train. but Alhamdulillah the company reimbursed everything so fine at that but in the end of the day i was like BAM! slammed myself to the bed like what happen to the tree after it was slayed by a lumberjack.
But really, doing alone requires you to do everything yourself, so that was the hardest thing because with resumes and forms to fill in, and being a scattered brain myself, i always look pass over thing and when i came back to it, OOOH! it has past the deadline. I really like to do things myself actually but being forever alone sometimes sucks. and it sucks bad. i often nearly drown myself in tears because of thinking and worrying and many more unpleasant feelings that kinda ambushed me all at once. Brrr.
And finally when i have overcome all that and survived, it really feels good. I wish i have no regrets but it is all in the past so i just need to let it pass. This Too Shall Pass. I always remind myself that.
But NO. there is this one jembalang tanah always bothers me with all these job searching questions. and i hate it. because it bothers me. because it reminded me of all the unpleasant feelings that occurs to me 11 months ago. please derr stop harassing meyhhh. i admit i am kinda competitive person and this is one thing that i really wish i can erase from myself so that is maybe the reason i don't wanna help you? but thinking back,
I DON'T EVEN BOTHER YOU WITH MY JOB SEARCHING AND I SWEAT AND BLEED BACK THEN ALL BY MYSELF SO PLEASE, BLEED YOURSELF TO THIS ONE CIRCUMSTANCES AND STOP BOTHERING ME I HATE LAHHHHH. FIND SOMEONE ELSE OR CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO OR WHAT TO DO. I WISH YOU THE BEST AND MAY YOU SUFFER ALRIGHT.
I AM DONE WITH YOU.
now that i have let it out, i don't feel any kind of relieved at all.
BECAUSE DAMN HELL I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER READ THIS. ARGHHHH
p/s: excuse for the messy grammar and punctuation i really just want to vent off all this frustration as i might explode from keeping all my emotions within this face of mine. (although i thought i have a poker face but people said i am really easy to read. haih japan with their reaction, it already blends well with me) people said i am heartless sometime ago, but now that i have feelings it is so disturbing.
