Assalamualaikum.
To be honest,
It is hard for me to get along really well with someone.
We will be very great, but then when it comes to a point,
Boom.
Suddenly we are at a distant, and all seems like
"We don't talk anymore".
It happened a few times already.
I could see that we could be really good friends,
We can conquer the world, even,
But then something happened,
And i become unsure,
I questioned every future;
"What is going to happen now?"
"Will it still be okay?"
And then everything becomes memories.
Like at that moment once,
I found refuge in these two humans.
Both came from different backgrounds.
One with quite a rough one, and the other is similar to me.
Outings, celebrations, wandering around after lights off, sleepovers.
It was a great year.
But i am slipping away.
We all have our own things to keep.
And i don't want to feel too attached.
So i latch myself onto something temporary.
And it all started to falter.
Bit,
by bit.
I was too proud of them,
and I was too disappointed of myself.
And i know that these happy trip will soon come to an end.
We split our paths.
Them, to the light, while me, to the dark.
I read somewhere that,
Being in any relationship, requires commitments from everyone.
They knew that, but i was too late.
It was entirely my fault i know.
From trying to fix it, i abandoned the ship.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I am less of a fighter,
I backed down when i sense risks,
And i am just a coward trying to save myself from any unpleasant feelings.
Anger. Remorse. Sadness. Lost. Lonely.
And in the end i became the latter.
I walk my own path.
I try to enjoy everything by myself.
I live up to the motto,
"I am not lonely. I chose to be"
And that is how i survive.
I think.
And people often said that i am heartless.
Am i still?
Truth is,
Our paths collided,
But instead of holding on,
I let go.
Truth is,
Sometimes i think of the possibilities,
If i keep holding on,
"What is going to happen?"
Shit. I'm still unsure. Still.
Truth is,
I sometimes went back to those memories,
And enjoy those sweet sweet time,
Sailing on the Friendship.
